“I kneel in worship facing your holy temple and say it again: ‘Thank you!’” Psalm 138.2a
For people that know me for more than an hour it is easy to conclude that I am frequently in deep water. I tend to be confident before experience, training, or wisdom would say is reasonable, I take on challenges that carry far more risk than reward, and I love doing things on the fly. As I look around I find similar traits in most people I meet, shaded a little different, outwardly more or less visible, but always there to be found.
Even I realize that my temperament creates as many problems as rewards, but I cannot help myself. I am the product of parents who love a sense of adventure coupled with a childhood where no adventure could possibly be too wild, but the choice is clearly one that I am responsible for.
God continues to confront me with a fundamental question, do I believe or not. The question is never superficial. Belief carries with it depth, texture, color, and meaning far beyond one comprehension. God is looking for a relationship based on my belief. The question is, do I? Do you?
Again, yesterday the question came up. I faced a difficult situation and my anger increasingly overwhelmed any controls I could put in place. My emotion bubbled and boiled for hours, reaching out beyond any level I can remember in the past twenty years. I felt like all my work of the past eighteen months was worthless, and I was extremely and intensely angry. God quietly whispered, “do you believe?”
I am not sure what triggered my reflection. A smile from a stranger, the touch of my daughters hugging me with joy just because I came home, or the quiet stillness of the cold night. I thought of God’s sadness as man first walked away in disbelief, the puzzle of Jesus, his life and the Cross, and the mystery of unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness.
I reached out to God in humble tears. The only word, thank-you.