It is difficult, often very difficult to accurately know what is going on inside of someone, anyone. Up to the moment of flashing lights, a car narrowing missing the right rear and right front corners of the Touareg, and the disappearing view of the red mustang’s taillight, I had no idea that anything was wrong.
I was traveling west on 91 during the normal midday rush you often find in Southern California. We were bumper to bumper, moving in mass at ten miles an hour above the speed limit. If you were driving in the left lane, this was a requirement. Even with repeatedly checked mirrors, I did not see it coming. As the road widened for a commuter lane, wow!
He was angry! He was frustrated. He wanted to get beyond his impediment, me.
Even as the moment began to fade from the present, I search my memories for any indication that I want in danger or that the other driver was angry, frustrated, or even annoyed with me. In the midst of checking my mirrors, making a note of those around me, and the road ahead, I had not seen anything unusual. Drivers were caught in a mind trap, resolutely focused on the road ahead. Others were singing to the music in their cars, adding their own rhythms by creating a drum out of the dashboard. A few were talking on their wireless phones with conversations open to anyone able to lip read.
There was no indication this driver had anything other than kindness in his mind. I recall a smile. It almost seemed liked he was humming to a favorite tune. Yet, something ugly burst from inside. He is not the first. One author noted the intent of a powerful person after the fact, “he was planning a public lynching after Passover.” (Acts 12.4)
I wonder if I understand myself. I can. It may be ugly, but honest reflection will tell me. God knows the truth and loves me in this knowledge. Today is an opportunity for me to do the same.