The quietness, stark contrasts, and lingering ghosts of the past always come back in the stillness of the darkness. It is especially present when I come into a new hotel room and go straight to bed. It is as if there is a pending conversation where both parties can’t wait, no matter how patient one or both of them try to be. In those moments one never did what they ideally wanted to do and regrets, questions, and doubts flood the room. Sometimes I can hear the cries of anguish and pain. On other occasions I think that I hear the sounds of the victims only to discover the voices are my own in the throes of regret’s birth.
The harsh reality is that “a murderer haunted by guilt is doomed—there’s no helping him.” (Proverbs 28.17) Guilt, memories, conscience, thinking, and reflection are part of the human experience. You have each to some degree as have I. The questions are; are you haunted? Do you struggle with yesterday? Does the past determine your value in the present?
It is one thing to answer these questions in your mind, quiet another in the calm of the early hours. Frankly I don’t care about your answer; it only matters to you and God. You know the struggles you faced last night. As much I want to say I understand; I don’t. Even if I wanted to take on the burden; I could not. Your battles are just that, yours. We are responsible for our choices, and only one really matters in the bigger scheme.
Do you accept God’s special gift given with just you in mind?
Yes or no?
The decision will need to be remade each day, in fact in each hour and again in each minute. For reasons beyond comprehension our bodies and natures are not on our side!
What is in the gift? New memories to start! Memories of past and future filled with mercy, compassion, grace, wonder, awe, beauty, and love! I haven’t even started with the experiential stuff!
The choice is yours.