I didn’t know. I thought my life was going to be over. Could I imagine myself with kids? No! Would this ever be possible? I don’t think so! The outcome was an old nightmare. My past would catch up and replay itself yet again in a new generation. External forces were conspiring against me; “I'll make Egyptian fight Egyptian, brother fight brother, neighbor fight neighbor, City fight city, kingdom fight kingdom—anarchy and chaos and killing! I'll knock the wind out of the Egyptians. They won't know coming from going. They'll go to their god-idols for answers; they'll conjure ghosts and hold seances, desperate for answers. But I'll turn the Egyptians over to a tyrant most cruel. I'll put them under the rule of a mean, merciless king.” (Isaiah 19.2-4)
My childhood wasn’t bad though I tried to make it that way. I had terrible moments. Sometimes they lasted for years – at least metaphorically. My survival is an amazing testament to siblings, friends, and parents. I clearly didn’t deserve the love, compassion, and friendship I received.
The idea I would bring a new generation into this world was hard to imagine. What would be the outcome? Would everyone survive? Could new things be possible?
It is now twenty years since the reality of a new child. I find myself in awe of the love, grace, and forgiveness in and through this child. I see God through her life. I continue to rediscover the best life offers. The child, then and now, isn’t perfect. Like all of us she struggles with life’s “gifts” and her role in it. Yet inspiration abounds! I’m changed. I find myself seeing and understanding God more fully than at any point in my life. My awe and wonder has grown in ways I could never imagine. Experiencing the miracle in San Francisco through the wonder in hearing her voice today gives shape to the hope you and I hold in meeting God. It’s a hope we can realize now, in this moment. God’s kingdom is here – in Carli, you, and in me.
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