Several months ago I was asked a question. The context and specifics of the question do not seem to matter now. I do not recall the words I used at the time. Even later that day I had already generalized that I had answered in a way that was politically correct. The trouble is that I knew the answer.
When the question was posed, without warning or in the flow of the conversation, my heart responded within before I could form an answer. I do not know what my face revealed. I still wonder if I revealed my thinking. Whatever I did or did not do externally, there was a deep disturbance within. With a certainty that I found hard to deny, my answer to myself was clear and without reservation.
My struggle to describe my feelings continued until I found myself reflecting on an old psalm. In that case, Divinity was engaged and on the march. David described the scene; “Earth shook, sky broke out in a sweat; God was on the march. Even Sinai trembled at the sight of God on the move, at the sight of Israel’s God.” (Psalm 68.8) If I had been able to describe what I could not describe, I would have paraphrased these words. I was that sky, that mountain.
While I reset and let Divinity guide me into the unknown, I find myself struggling to understand the power of truth that is always present. Am I willing to sensitive and listening for the truth. Will I let this Spirit touch me or do I naturally construct a barrier so that I remain in charge? In the moments where Truth overwhelms, am I willing to let this moment be the pattern for the rest of my days?
As much as I want to say yes, I hesitate. I am encouraged by Hope’s patience and endurance. My inability to consistency embrace Divinity is not a barrier to open arms. My absence has not driven God away. We are Divinity’s children, unconditionally loved. We are integral participants in a bigger story.