Several weeks into a new role and everything still feels new. It is a wonderful time to ask questions, explore, and listen. It is exciting, challenging, and thought provoking on a good day, even more on a bad one.
As I described one chapter in the story so far, a strange question landed on the table. “How did you feel when you walked out the door?”
I do not think I had asked that particular question. Life often just is, so asking myself how I feel about it does not always seem to be useful. In this case, I paused, wondering what I felt, then and now.
“Mixed. I was excited about the potential. I was challenged by the certain characteristics and attitude. “What am I doing in the meantime, Lord? Hoping, that’s what I’m doing – hoping” (Psalm 39.7)
Sometimes answers, no matter how flow of conscious, said without thinking they might be, are the answer. In this case, more reflection has only reinforced the same thoughts I expressed on the fly. There is much to be excited about. There are also reasons to think of what could be better or different with the hope of being better. The answer to the question only came in the final phrase, hoping and hopeful.
It is a new day and I find myself facing the same question with a twist. How do you feel when you are beginning your day?
I chew on my answer, realizing that there is much of me that wants to stay stuck in the past, wondering what I could have done differently, or paralyzed with the future, what new things will I find myself wrestling with. In the end, with a divine whisper of understanding and commitment swirling in my ear, I find myself repeating a line I hope stays with me. I am hoping and hopeful.
It is a statement I find myself saying aloud. I know there will be challenges and barriers. I also know there are will be opportunity windows in every moment. I am starting with Hope.