“He [God] stood me up on a wide-open field, I stood there saved – surprised to be loved!” Psalm 18.19
This process of experiencing God’s reaction to my actions, my self, still shocks. I keep thinking my actions will drive God away yet they do not. I continue to imagine the stern lecture coming because of my expressions of anger and frustration. I continue to act as if I must be in charge of my life.
My acts of unfaith this week were subtle and refined. I am sure that, to the outside observer, my decisions and choices were good, moral, and kind. I know better.
I explored my bouts of frustration and anger and told myself I am justified. I know I was not.
I took charge of a wide range of details in my life and others. With each choice I knew I was tossing opportunities to exercise faith with my decisions.
Fear and guilt kept my heart wondering what God would do. God responded yesterday on three fronts.
God took the little things I could not take charge of and worked solutions beyond my imagination. The impact of some is tough but the results are fair and just.
God’s grace and love came through friend’s concern. When friends take the time to stop, ask, and get involved in your life, it is a gift of God’s love. Showing care and concern in the middle of a hectic day is not a natural act. Responding to impulses from the Holy Spirit is the only explanation that makes sense. God giving grace gifts to everyone.
God removed some memories of failure. I find myself cycling over the same ground trying to learn and learn again how to avoid repeating my failings. God stopped this exercise. It appears that once I see how I make decisions away from God the solution is always the same; go back to the Source of Life. Any other solution is one of self-preservation and taking charge not faith.
God is not giving me unique gifts. You can have everything and more!