In a week, a deadline will loom. I have known about it for 3 days now. There is little ambiguity in the date because I suggested it. While I was under pressure, it was my date to give. I took the easy way out, wanting to avoid the confrontation that would only distract everyone from the challenge at hand.
The teams are working on the sections. I am hopeful that we will make progress however I wonder if it will be enough to meet the goal. A recent offer of help brought the question into sharp focus. What would help? Would more people be the answer? Am I looking, waiting for the person with the right insight and problem solving abilities?
I am balancing a natural tendency to act before understanding the “why”. Do I know what problem I am solving? Do I understand what I am asking for? Do I want help?
The questions sit, begging for answers. I know that just reacting is not the answer. I need to struggle with the heart. If I were to pursue the obvious, I would merely fall into a pattern that many have before me used. In one, sailors in distress welcomed the dawn. “At daybreak, no one recognized the land—but then they did notice a bay with a nice beach. They decided to try to run the ship up on the beach.” (Acts 27.39) They knew the problem they had. They did not think of the problem they might be choosing by their actions.
Worry often drives me towards more questions. I often avoid a simple question at the beginning. Will I let someone else help? Am I willing to let her/his views expand mine?
I have no idea if we are going to make the deadline. I do know that I am not going to act just because the beach looks nice. I need my community. I need to see more than I can currently see. I need the other. In saying yes, I am opening myself up to things beyond my imagination.