Fear

There are times in my life when I am afraid.  As I write this, I can sense fear’s cloud hovering close.  It oppresses, overwhelms, and it consumes.  The only response to this assault I know rests in turning towards the Holy.  “‘So—who is like me?  Who holds a candle to me?’ says The Holy.  Look at the night skies: Who do you think made all this?  Who marches this army of stars out each night, counts them off, calls each by name—so magnificent!  so powerful!—and never overlooks a single one?”  (Isaiah 40.25, 26) 
 
In my life, fear is a stalker.  From my earliest memories, I can see fear lurking in the dark corners.  Moving without my ability to control, fear pulled and tugged at my confidence, sapping the heart of my soul.  As I look back, from the trace memories of my third birthday, worried I would be forever left alone, to car accidents and a moment forever frozen in time on a train bridge, fear has paralyzed my soul from the inside out.  I had no answer.  I had no way of dealing with it, other to bury or deny its existence, hoping it would go away.  Sadly, this response added strength to fear’s resolve and power.
 
I don’t recall the exact moment when fear won the day.  I know the time in my life.  I can vividly recall the feelings of the moment – panic, desperation, and utter helplessness.  I look back towards that moment with a sense of peace.  I found an answer then as I am now, in Holy Hope.
 
I recognize two kinds of fear.  One is simply the recognition of danger and the unknown.  Embracing this fear, understanding its source, and responding is a good thing.  I can do this on my own.  The other fear starts with uncertainty and moves into relationships.  This is, in my life, Evil.  The solution, then and now, is to turn towards God.  In embracing all that God has, is, and will do for me I find peace, power, and assurance.