Forty-two months ago I walked out of a hospital, unsure of the future. As I remember, it was a priceless moment. I had been forced to stop by a small tumor. I look back and realize that in bad and good, God is at work. I do not think God ever inflicts disease on us. I do believe that we, I, have in hand in bringing many different kinds of evil into our lives. God does use every event in our lives to teach. Good, bad, painful, joyous, whatever. God uses the mundane and the extreme to teach us about ourselves, potential, and the hope in getting from where we are to where we could be.
In my case, the tumor was the event that I paid attention to. I had ignored everything else up to that time. Reminders from friends were ignored. Pleas from those close to my heart went unnoticed. From gentle to harsh, loud to soft, I was deaf to all. I was on a train and nothing was going to force me off. A small tumor changed everything. I was not longer in control. I had no ability to heal myself. There was nothing I could do except rely on others. I tried to put on a strong game face but inside I was wrestling with darkness and demons that were far stronger than I could ever be. In the chaos that was my reality, I lost my line of sight to hope.
A gentle, confident surgeon and supporting team changed that. He spoke of the bad things that could happen. With each, his words remain the same. “Bad things can happen; I know what to do.” I heard God in his voice. His words were only slightly differently; “Bad things will happen; I know what to do.”
I look back and realize that nothing is ever as it was. “I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step.” (Psalm 18.23) I may be healed yet I know tenuous healing is. Life is never guaranteed except the moment we have now.
