In darkness it is often hard to find what you are looking for or what you most need. Certain things feel like they are the answer, moments with certainty that you hold the object of your desire. When light arrives, everything is revealed. As close as what you need might be, it is likely that you are holding something that you know is not the answer.
In the midst of chaos and conflicting priorities it is hard to know how to be patient. The quest to stay on course is difficult on the best of days. When one adds one’s uncertainty to the equation, I often find myself grasping in the darkness for what I think I need. Assurance, confidence, and courage are slippery. Just as you think you have grasped them, fear, uncertainty, and doubt take their stand, causing me to release my grip. I do not stop, frantically reaching out in all directions. My quest for the answer to my needs continues.
Life has an uncanny way of bringing light. For me, it usually comes in two steps. First, they very things I am reaching for vanish. It is as if I experience the reality of an old observation; “Gone like a puff of smoke, like a blob of wax in the fire – one look at God and the wicked vanish.” (Psalm 68.2) In its place is a simple response to the heart of my wants and needs; hope.
I rediscovered hope in the form of two friends asking for help. Their expressions of desire, confidence and appreciation from a gift of time and interest touched my heart in unique ways. The experience reminded me of God’s gifts of love that continue to mark milestones in my journey.
I found strength that leads to courage in the words of concern and advice from another. It seemed natural to have our conversation. Only in reflection did I realize how difficult and problematic our exchange would have been with anyone else. Truth realized because of compassioned care.
Light is shining in your life and mine.
