As our discussion intensified, I could feel myself being sucked into the battle. Initially I was not worried. I was sure our mutual intent centered on finding the best answer. It did not feel like a competition. I did not have a need to win. While it did not feel like I was losing, it did feel like some of my ideas were not getting the understanding that they deserved.
There were no wallflowers in this conversation. Everyone could stand for what he believed. With each exchange the sound of our voices carried a bit further. I could feel the edge starting to form on my remarks. When my vision began to narrow, especially at the point where I had no idea what else was going on in the room outside of our conversation, I was certain I was in a space I did not want to be.
“We can do what you want. If we do, we will never make money. Is this your goal?”
The last works came out as if I was spitting them. Regardless of the logic supporting them, at this stage my goal was not to clarify or educate. I intended to hurt. I wanted them to puncture his soul to the point of bleeding. In my mind the words ended with an emphatic pop that hurt.
“Your words are over the top. Do you believe I would ever think something like this?”
Our battle froze with the question, our souls trapped by silence.
As much as I love passionate beliefs, it is critical that one reflects and reaffirms the foundation they stand on. When I miss this step I find myself throwing arrows that otherwise do not need to be thrown. I join the crowd David saw when he said that “they set fire to the porch; axes swinging, they chopped up the woodwork,” (Psalm 74.5)
Today I step back into the discussion. My beliefs are sharper, clearer than they were. The difference is that Life’s whispers give me an opportunity see beyond them and into the larger story.
