I have come to see my friends through new eyes. In my youth, I measured them by a wide range of factors. These included, fun, convenience, access to other friends, and a several other drivers. In hindsight, most were driven by my desire to make my life easier and better. Outcomes did not really matter. With time, the impact that friends have left with me has become the single measure that endures.
I was reminded recently that as positive, encouraging, useful and hopeful a friend might be, s/he may not be helpful! In contrast, the friend that supports and nurtures without regard for recognition or reward is priceless! The friends in my life continue to change and guide. Their wisdom and insight informs and shapes my values and priorities. The outcome is one that I own. I hope that my response honors their gifts and in turns helps them in some small way.
Lessons that I keep reminding myself of include the following.
The fruits, results, of friendship are an accurate lagging indicator of the heart of friendship. Too often I want to ignore but the old questions are still relevant; “Can Misrule have anything in common with you? Can Troublemaker pretend to be on your side?” (Psalm 94.20)
Respect and honor lead friends to call one out. Whatever respect is, it is not remaining silent when there is something in one’s life that is wrong or veering off course. Honor can be seen in many ways. I have never seen honor silent or still when there is an opportunity to help another learn and grow.
There is no one size fits all friends. My friend may not be someone that you get along with. That is ok. While it is fun, and at times scary, friendship networks do not always sync with others. Creating opportunities is at the heart of living. Doing that with friends to and for each other is a gift.
Each and every friend is a priceless gift. Treating each with the care and love is our starting point. Engaged living’s invitation.
