As I listen to the answers and reread the source materials, I am at a loss to how the conclusions are being drawn. It is as if the individuals on the other side have come into the discussion with preset conclusions. All the normal inputs, facts, policies, and guidelines, were inconsequential to the conclusion. Logical dialogue was secondary to reaching the end destination. Listening was only for the purpose of acknowledging that the other had spoken. The result was predetermined.
As difficult as it was and is, because the conversation lives on to be continued later today, I realize that my words echo what others have said to me in frustration. The lesson reminders that will help me today include the following.
Dialogue works best when one stays focused on the core. Misdirection and side comments can be acknowledged without allowing them to take everyone to a place away from the center. Related to this is the observation that where we disagree is rarely the center.
Misdirection can take many forms. In each form the outcome is the same, a loss of focus and attention to the center. If one accepts the new destination, whatever the challenges were will remain.
At times, it is important to call time, create space, and start again at the center. In an old example, a lead character “spoke, ‘Darkness!’ and it turned dark – they couldn’t see what they were doing.” (Psalm 105.28) The goal was to refocus everyone on the center. Other alternatives include take time outs, providing new analysis, and getting others involved.
The last reminder is, for me, probably the most important. Keep an open mind to what one is hearing, seeing, and understanding. As I woke this morning I realized I had missed an obvious point. In my eagerness to respond to the point of disagreement I had accepted a starting premise that excluded a simple fact. Adding this fact to the dialogue changes the shape of the conversation to follow.
I have no idea what today will bring. Having allies, ideas and options helps.
