I am wrestling with a vulnerability that is touching my life in ways I did not anticipate. It is a simple challenge that comes from the extended recovery of a reconstructed wrist. If I do not try to do much, everything is fine. But I struggle to leave things as is; I want to been stronger and more agile than I was before! As a consequence, the vulnerability is testing all my limits.
There are some harsh reminders that come with this vulnerability.
Admitting that one is vulnerable is a challenge! Somehow the idealistic thread from my childhood that I was and am immune to illness, being hurt, or worse remains intact. When I accept the weakness and deal with it, good things follow. Ignorance is never helpful.
Vulnerabilities come with unintended consequences. When someone shakes my hand with intensity, it is an experience in pain. The first few times it happened I caught myself reacting in frustration triggered the momentary sharp stab. Fortunately, I took a deep breath and relaxed, remembering that the smile on the person’s face that was shaking my hand was the real story.
One cannot always predict when and how one’s vulnerabilities will be tested. When the testing moments happen, everything refocuses! The challenge is remembering to stay on point with the conversation while one absorbs and embraces the emotions that the vulnerability is stretching to the limits. On more than one occasion I have caught myself wiping a pain triggered tear from my eye, hoping that I did not have to explain.
As I think of my story along with others, I am overwhelmed by compassion and empathy. Sometimes life strikes us where we are most vulnerable. In an old story, Divinity is given credit for striking “down every firstborn in the land, the first fruits of their virile powers.” (Psalm 105.36) It is hard to imagine the hearts and minds of those still standing.
Life is tough. I want to help heal and nurture. This starts with my willingness to understand and help each where s/he is most vulnerable.
