There are moments when it is good to stop but not stop-stop. A recent conversation was one. In the middle of bringing two team leaders together from different organizations, it was easy to see and feel their passion. Each righteously and passionately believed in what he was saying. Individually they were confident that they everything and it was now up to the other.
In the middle of the conversation I could see their egos standing tall. At some point it was clear to me that each had stopped listening to the other. They were looking to me as the parent to determine who was going to win and who would not. Two characters playing out the psalmist observation; “They found fault with the life they had and turned a deaf ear to God’s voice.” (Psalm 106.25)
I had a very different view. They were individuals right and wrong at the same time! While both had gone some distance, we were not at the finish line. Regardless of what one had or had not done the other, there was still more work to be done.
I realized my problem started with listening and understanding. Neither could. My primary mission was to do both on behalf of the other.
As I look back on the problem now solved and the next one that has emerged, I realize I am looking at many of my personas in the mirror. It is difficult to see in yourself what you wish was not in others. While I can only work to influence their lives, I can do something about mine! Reminders for me include the follow.
Listen. Listen long, deeply and fully. When you think you have heard enough, listen some more.
Seek the story behind the conversation. Asking for the story is a good start. The warning is that this step takes you back to the importance of listening with the gift of time. Give it freely and unreservedly.
Decide if you want to move forward or give up. I know the question is one for every moment.
