As the conversation heated up I could feel myself getting drawn into the emotional hurricane. Everything was intensifying! Words were swirling faster and faster. I was increasingly unsure how much was getting through or simply lost in the translation of the moment. The scope of what we were talking about was growing in leaps and bounds. What started out as a singular challenge was now at a relationship level. The initial small pains and hurts were potentially permanently destructive.
“Can you take a deep breath? Do you want this to move forward or crash and burn?”
“At this point, I do not care!
Stunned, I momentarily stopped talking.
As my mind raced around the question I realized I knew my answer deep within me. This was going to be a pivotal moment and I wanted to be sure my answer was a shared response of my heart and mind. There were two obvious extremes. On one side I could be as frustrated, irritated, and annoyed as the psalmist saw God when he wrote “Exasperated, God swore that he’d lay them low in the desert.” (Psalm 106.26) At the other extreme, I could reset my emotions and this conversation and reach for my dreams.
A sense of calm emerged from deep within. “I do and I continue to believe you do as well.”
The line was strangely silent. After a time, I wondering if it was still working. I was reluctant to break the spell so took the risk to look at my mobile screen to confirm we were still connected. All indications said we were still talking.
It was the first time that we have gotten near the edge in a conversation. I could feel how close we were to a fall we were unlikely to survive. Waiting, letting the statement sit for a time.
“Ok. …”
We were back on track.
This was a near-miss moment for sure. My heart loves the idea of breathing deeply and anticipating the healing that can come when one does. I need to do more this more often.
