The calendar reminds me that we are in a historical lull between an overwhelming black day and a day the was unbelievably bright. We can see the warnings of the darkness coming. With the benefits of hindsight, we are positioned to believe in the hope that followed. It is unimaginable that I would have been any different in the moment. Unexpected developments ending in catastrophic tragedy followed by grey dullness and silence. In the grey skies, I would still be coming to grips with yesterday’s developments. My ability to focus on the moment and the future would be problematic.
In many ways, I feel like that today. I am on the cusp of a significant business decision. The developments of the past few months and weeks are full of indicators and flags, but it is difficult to see them with perspective. For now, everything feels overwhelming! We might reach out to make a big difference. We could decide we need to hesitate a while longer. There is a chance that we could reject the proposal and start a new question to find another option.
In the numbness, a writer’s comment sits comfortably; “I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me.” (Psalm 118.13) I am safe, at least in the moment. I think I will be ok in the future, but nothing is guaranteed. Why I am here, I am still trying to figure that out. Where I am going to be in the next moment is the food for dreams.
I am hopeful but doubts linger.
I am numb while wanting to feel.
Uncertainty dominates, even as I want to hold onto the faith I thought I had.
Time will bring answers that I cannot see or even imagine right now. A much as the past and the future call to me, my challenge is to stay firmly in the moment that I had in hand. There are, within me, values and priorities I have embraced. Each will anchor and guide me if I continue to trust in them.
