My definition of friends has morphed with time. My initial definition was a relationship description which was bilateral and mutually beneficial. With time, it has changed to something that I see as a priceless gift which, if accepted, becomes real when it is reciprocal. In the beginning, anyone may offer her or his friendship. The big “but” is that as promising as a friendship can be, it will be stillborn unless it cared for by both parties.
As I kick off a new chapter in my journey, I find myself reflecting on the friendships which define much of my life. The metaphors I use to describe each often come from the framework of family, but the big difference is the choice which both sides have at every point along the way. With families, each is member of the family because of the blood we share. With friends they are family because of the blood (real and metaphorical) each is willing to share.
The lessons I find myself reflecting on include the following.
Friendship can grow and mature with experience and time. It is in the process of care and nurture that we discover the threads which bind us together. When these have been tested, the bonds which result are strong, enduring, and life changing.
Friendship fade without care and nurturing. The acts of friendship can be big or small, but if they do not take place, the friendship is likely to become dormant. True friends never go away, but they need to be reborn and recreated to be alive again.
Friends may ask but rarely do they demand. With each, I find that what may seem a demand from a friend, is often a call to accountability. A request from a friend is her/his way of expressing a need in an open and vulnerable way. Each is an outcome of the trust friends give, share, and honor.
The psalmist reminds me of how Divinity “takes care of everyone in time of need. His love never quits.” (Psalm 136.25). My friends are also known as Divinity’s children.
