I have gone through multiple periods of running away from Divinity. As I look back, the reasons are very clear. At the time, I thought it was denial. I refused to accept what others could see within me. I refused to accept my belief, even if it was radically different than what others thought it should be. In hindsight, I ran away because I could not explain what I believed and why. Better not to answer questions than wrestle with the uncertainty inside.
There are days when I realize I am running again. When I catch myself, I find myself reaching for a series of reflective lessons as fresh homework.
Examine the truths and principles I think I am holding closest to my heart. Do I still believe? If so, why? There are three keys for me as I examine my beliefs. First, I should never be afraid to wrestling with my doubts. Unless I start there, they will always come out of hiding to haunt me when I am done. I have learned to respect and honor alternative views, even if they are not my own. Letting go of my bias, opens a fresh door to study, consideration, and reflection. I must honestly deal with the view of heart and mind, otherwise the homework will have been an exercise of futility.
Remember where you were as well as where you are. As fast and hard as I can run, it seems that the destination is often a variation on where I was. Understanding what makes life meaningful and fun often allows me to see the similarities in places where joy, acceptance, and peace are present. Escaping from one place to another is not an escape if all the same elements which caused me to run in the first place are here as well as there.
With the years of the journey behind me, the knowledge which remains with me is the ending of the psalm, “If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon,” (Psalm 139.9) Divinity would be there when I arrived.
