Paradoxes are hard to live with. With one hand, I hold a long list of expected deliverables and dates. I believe I will fail to deliver at least one as others expect. In my other hand, I believe I will deliver, I will always win. Between now and the day of accounting, there are many conflicting priorities which I will struggling to balance.
With the benefit (or curse) of time, I live with different paradoxes. On the hand, I believe I will win every competition I commit myself to. Sports is just the beginning. With my other hand, I note the passing of time, reflexes which are slowing, weight which lingers longer than it used to, and a mindset which measures the cost of winning.
In considering the paradoxes of my life, I realize there is an unresolved one in my relationships. With one hand I work to build and nurture close relationships. I have come to see true friends as priceless relationships. With my other hand, I wonder if the knowledge of the intimate details of who I am will break or at least cause cracks in the threads which bind me to others.
A natural hedge to the risk of deep discovery, is to mask the truth within. Life reminds me that I am encouraging a false foundation. It is as if I am unwilling to truly trust another. It does not stop with those close to me, my fears and uncertainties extend up and into my relationship with Divinity. What if I was truly known by Divinity? Would I or our relationship survive?
In my child like doubts, the psalmist’s words repaint the scene; “You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.” (Psalm 139.15)
I hear the echo of what I hope my children know. I love each without conditions. Divinity knows all I know and a whole lot more. With this knowledge, She simply response – “I love you.”
