A dear friend took me aside when he found out I was in a pivotal time of negotiation.
“Bill, you need to be very careful in what you promise.”
“Why”, my innocence on display given the trust between us.
“Your word is your bond, regardless of the other’s level of honour. You will fulfill your commitment regardless of what action they take.”
The simple remark, which I am not sure he remembers sharing with me, opened my understanding to the unintended consequences which are often expressed and found at the end of a conversation.
The illustration recently was in the conversations around a social contract between me and a ground of talented individuals. As clear, simple, and direct as I think the details are, I also know they will be difficult to achieve. My part is clear, discipline and commitment with each step dramatically increases the probability I will deliver. For others, fulfilling their part of the contract will require change, hard work, and learning.
The unintended commitment came at the end of a review discussion.
“Do you understand?”
The hand signals and body language affirmed, “from your heart to my heart, my heart to your heart, yes”.
I felt I was on the receiving end of an old prayer; “Listen to this prayer of mine, God; pay attention to what I’m asking. Answer me – you’re famous for your answers! Do what’s right for me.” (Psalm 143.1). As much as I believe in the sincerity of the first part, I doubt the individual understands what is “right for me”. I love the passion! I love the willingness to embrace unintended consequences of the real request, almost lost at the end.
I hope I am bold enough to make this request to Divinity at the beginning and end of every day. I hope I remember this request in each moment where a choice is being realized. I may not fully see the limits of care, kindness, and compassion, but I do want to live them.
May our unintended requests for good become our heart’s desire.
