In an extreme moment of my life, my first response to a friend’s father’s suicide was, “which funeral home did he go to?” I look back on my comment now in horror. I have no idea how callous I could be. I did not realize how business centric my life was at the time. I worked for one of two funeral homes, times were difficult, and every business opportunity was important. Even though I was only a part time employee, business and survival dominated my thinking.
It was a low point that I have subtlety relived many times since that day.
On the day, the look I got in response was so shocking that I initiated the process of quitting my job and finding other ways to support myself. I believed I would never go back to that spot again! When I replayed the scene in my mind, I knew it could not be me and yet it was. Nothing could change that. My heart and mind were convinced I would never, ever, repeat that experience.
Several lessons have emerged as Life has put subsequent first responses in the mirror for me to examine.
If you want to change your heart, feed your soul. This is not a one-time event. One needs to infuse one’s being with compassion. If care and kindness are more important than business, create experiences where this is true. Let each event permeate the thinking. Revel in the emotions of the moment. Put each nuance to memory. One’s first response to any situation will mirror one’s heart and soul.
One may pivot, but one does not turn completely in one move. Turning a corner takes time, intent, and perseverance. I find it helps to see acts of care and kindness, received and given, as learning moments. In experiencing the care and kindness by others, my heart is recreated. The process infuses me with the courage and strength to follow, intentionally repeating steps and acts of compassion.
Let Divinity be our guide; “S/He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds.” (Psalm 147.3).
