One of my mother’s regrets late in life centred on the lost opportunities she had as a parent. As a parent looking through a similar lens, I find myself whispering the words I repeatedly used in response to her lament.
“You did the best with what you knew and what you had. Your sons are in conversation with you and enjoy your company. Let go of your regret. Your best gift was what we needed to get us going in life.”
As I used an old-fashioned tape measure, missing my usual centimetre reference points, I considered the measures of my parents and myself. The details of our expectations are always beyond what we can do. It is too easy to be regretful as one remembers lost opportunity, careless mistakes, and innocent yet ignorant actions. As I considered my mother’s context, I realised there was a missing x-factor. I had missed Divinity’s active role in my life and others, which filled in many of the gaps.
Standards change even as the fundamentals stay the same. Meaningful relationships filled with time together are more important than perfection. Dialogue trumps any party’s hold on truth. Life is a journey filled with choices, failures, learnings, and going it all again. A writer’s words echo across the generations as a reminder of the situation then and now. “While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best.” (Hebrews 12.10)
Every individual is responsible for his or her choices. As a parent, I only want the best for my children. I have come to appreciate that I do not know what this means! I cannot and will not be able to make their decisions. What I can do is support, cheer, and be present. My gifts as someone who was there at the beginning are realised through nurturing, sharing, and ultimately empowering them through unconditional respect and acceptance of their decisions.
The calling remains open. This awareness is an invitation to bring my best.
