During my lifetime, there has been two conversations with my father that have stayed with me long after the sound of his voice faded to a forgotten silence. There was no tension between us in the moment. Quite to the contrary. It was a conversation where one who has travelled further than another, shares his experience of life with its relationships and lessons learned along the way. On this morning, the subject was the balance which exists in each relationship.
The wisdom I took away from the conversation included the ideas of gifts and obligations which came with them. The context was the help many were giving me in my transition from high school to university. This included helping me land a well-paying summer job, a rent-free place to stay, and more. In my youthful thankfulness, there was a concern on the emotional debt I was accumulating. If I understood what I had embraced, the advice was “welcome to being an adult”. If I did not, ahh, this was “be aware of others bearing gifts”.
For a long time, even now, I am often sceptical when it comes to accept help from others, gifts in any shape or size. It is as if I am anticipating the debt, emotional and ethically, which comes with the gift.
The advice was sound but not fully complete. With time, I have come to understand that many gifts are two-way. This is especially true when I offer my stories to assist others. I do not assume that they will be useful, so when they are tossed or ignored, I smile knowing it was the offer to help which was the most important gift I could bring. When I sense others creating a running account between us, I like to paraphrase Paul, “But don’t think I’m not expecting to get something out of this, too! You have as much to give me as I do to you.” (Romans 1.12)
Losing balance can cause things to break. Yet, in being open to receive as one gives, the balance in my life grows.
