It is natural to find fault when things do not go one’s way. As I fixed the adjustments on the rowing machine, my mind was confidently focused on setting a new personal best. The data said my body was rested and ready. Emotionally, I was feeling confident.
Twenty minutes later, I realized I was not going to come close to matching my top performances. There was nothing in my tank. Physically and emotionally, I rediscovered what it feels like to run on empty. I had a numb wrist, my shoulders were aching, and my legs shared tremors.
My heart and mind were on hyperdrive, looking for a factual reason for my failure. It had to be something I missed! Perhaps I should have had a larger cup of coffee when I woke up. Maybe I needed to eat, if only a bit.
Blame is often an endless quest where the innocent answer is equally likely to be the reason as is the fault. In this case, I could hear a whisper in response to my quest. Despite my need for a reason, the whisper would not go away. “Could this be your body asking for a break?”
I am not the first to feel that there should be something, anything, to pin the blame on. An old writer complained that he was “doomed to live in Meshech, cursed with a home in Kedar.” (Psalm 120.6) Both were likely known as tough neighborhoods. Maybe property prices had tanked. Either would have made the blame game easy.
I was lucky. On this day I heard the whisper and responded.
As I stood outside the gym, I found myself wrapped in the softness of a cool morning breeze balanced the rising sun. Everything was silent except for the minas quietly competing for food hidden in the grass. As the mind slowed down, and my heart grew quiet, I realized I needed this far more than the intensity I was chasing inside the gym.
In my workout failure was a invitation. I do not want to miss the next one.
