It is a rare individual who can admit a failure with confidence. It is unusual, even when I think of my best days.
As I wrestle on both sides of the equation, failing and being failed, I find myself looking for reasons for my failure even as I discount the rationale used by others. It is a vicious circle. I catch myself judging as I refuse to accept the outcome which follows my words and actions.
Life likes to take me back to experiential lessons.
Others are always at fault. My explanation of context is offered without considering the role I have played, even as I reject the stories I hear. It is easier to focus on another than the glaring fault within. I permissioned myself to ignore the truth. It works until I face the dark night of the soul where Life confronts me with a replay of what I know to be true. I can try to hide, however there is no place which protects me from what I already know.
Blame is a mysterious destination. It feels good when one believes it is a destination. Inevitably, when I arrive at the destination, I am left in a place which is now. It may sound odd and yet I repeatedly find myself in the loop. I search for a scapegoat, paint it with absolute conviction, only to realize when I am done that I am exactly where I began. The question in every moment is the same, what will I do with what I already know?
Two reminders are fresh today.
First, “Don’t let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, ‘God is trying to trip me up.’ God is impervious to evil and puts evil in no one’s way.” (James 1.13). We have the freedom and responsibility to make every decision in our lives.
Second, learn from the past and focus on the present. Use the moment at hand to step forward. Take the lessons, leverage the priorities and values closest to one’s heart, and boldly take a step forward.
