The afternoon had been uneventful but productive. Writing, cooking, and organizing on the agenda. After a day of hard work and a night of good sleep, it was good to focus on the past-due items on the to-do list. Everything was in good shape, right up until the fifteen minutes before I planned to leave before the airport.
I went to check to make sure everything was in order, and one minor thing was out of sync. My body instantly stressed out, my shirt soaked from sweat pouring out, and my voice morphed into a hard edge. Whatever was, was not. Everything that was running smoothly, was anything but. Everything had gone from smooth to disaster!
As I look back at the scene replaying in my mind hours and days later, it was the weakest side of me on full display! If someone was able to blame another and trying to describe my state, they would say that “You [anyone’s name would do] robbed him of his splendor, humiliated this warrior, ground his kingly honor in the dirt.” (Psalm 89.44) Only in this case I did it to myself! It was an ugly moment made worse by my insistence that I had been inconvenienced or worse.
I look back now at the scene with deep regret and humiliation. My arrogance and stressed had combined in a way that I took myself out in the worst kind of way. Life likes to remind me of the following.
Bad things happen even if nobody tried to create the outcome. You may think it was personal. Sometimes an accident is just that, an accident.
The receiver gets to decide the severity of a mistake. Sadly, in this case I choose a bad outcome. It did not have to be that way, but I ensured it was seen in the worst possible light. Looking back, the same events could have had a comic outcome.
As strong as anyone things s/he is, each has a weak point. When exposed, it is ugly.
Fortunately, I was forgiven. Forgiveness is divinity’s gift.
