The meeting had an agenda. In hindsight, we spent very little time on the agenda itself. The conversation instead turned into a discussion about my role, responsibilities, and immediate deliverables. As the twists and turns unfolded, I was surprised that I was not surprised. It was clear that they were expecting a contra-point of view. I did not have one. I agreed with the points they were making. From my perspective, the gaps have been out in the open for some time. They are areas that I should be responsible for.
As I have reflected on the lingering impact of the meeting, I find myself feeling trapped. I know I have the mandate. I also know that I do not believe that I have the support I need from my immediate community to be successful. It is a problematic equation. My head tells me to do one thing while my heart wonders if it is the right thing to do. The tension never seems to go away. I have knowledge (confidence) mixed with doubts (uncertainty). The mix consumes the energy within, leaving me tired.
As a fresh day begins, I know that there is a perspective I have forgotten. A gentle reminder comes through an old writer’s words. “The Holy One anointed you, and you all know it. I haven’t been writing this to tell you something you don’t know, but to confirm the truth you do know, and to remind you that the truth doesn’t breed lies.” (1 John 2.21)
I have the mandate. There is a formal calling. It comes with a mission and a challenge. There is a community within the community that is responding with me.
Life never comes with guarantees. In contrast, it brings opportunities where you and I can make a difference.
In the chaos and uncertainty of each moment, a question remains. What will, can, I do? In that choice I will write the story of my response to the opportunity I have been given. I see the moment at hand. My intentions can create action and birth possibilities.
