Recent conversations filled with reflection highlight two different approaches. With one, the process is open, brutally candid to the point of being very close to a cynical response with a smile, and lasts as long as it needs to last. There is no rush to the words, consideration, or response. Frequently the first response is a question to clarify meaning and intent. The second response is usually one of recognition and awareness.
An alternative way of conversing is calculated, measured, and guarded. This approach has its merits that include a close linkage to the words used and intent, a sensitivity to the feeling and potential response of the other, and a structure that ensures the one sharing is not putting one’s self at risk in the process.
There is a growing appreciation within me to individuals that take a brutally candid approach. I willingly admit that I am not always able to hear! Hearing can be painful. It can also trigger one defenses and a need to rationalize and justify. My appreciation trigger has come as a result of what happens next.
In the calculated and guarded discussion, I know there is a high probability that this is simply the first of many on or about the subject. Doing something with the differences is difficult for the parties involved. While one has heard a sanitized version of each viewpoint, the truth is often hard to see. The conversation boundaries often ensure that neither party can see the alternatives or find new mutual ground to build on.
I have several conversations pending. I will embrace at least two of them with brutal candor. For the rest, I am hopeful but not confident. The Psalmist reminds me candor starts at the center; “He [Divinity] showed Moses how he went about his work, opened up his plans to all Israel.” (Psalm 103.7) I doubt Moses understood everything. I am confident that Moses did not fully agree. I find a courage pill that someone took the risk to clarify. It should be the minimum I can bring to each conversation.
