The week was unfolding wonderfully. Plans were coming together. Long anticipated lunches were realized as great reunions with old friends. Telephone calls worked and tasks accomplished. Everything within me smelled of peace and comfort. I confidently knew that I was on a good track. I was in control. I had it together.
Given my history I should have known better. In hindsight, I do not think I was listening to experience’s warning whispers. Even the yellow and red flag fluttering across my vision did not strike me as something I should pay attention to. Each reflected a blind spot. When combined, I was a ignorant walker.
One email, just one snapped me out of my dream. I asked for an opinion, as I wanted it. I invited someone into a decision, thinking I was open to another’s view. I was in control, or was I?
I do not think anyone saw what happened inside. Nobody was at home; it was just my computer and my soul. Yet, I knew. I had stepped into Paul’s behavior on one of his less glorious days; “the longer Paul waited in Athens for Silas and Timothy, the angrier he got—all those idols! The city was a junkyard of idols.” (Acts 17.16) At least Paul was angry for a good cause. My frustration and anger simple revolved around the fact that I was the center of it all.
Thirty-six hours later, and I can think about my reaction without tasting the emotions, again. I have tried to rationalize my response. I cannot find logical support for my views. I can understand the input. It is sensible, logical, and filled with common sense. It just does not have me at the center! Even as I write, I am smiling. Controlling is one of my resilient idols.
Today is a one to celebrate freedom! I can embrace the freedom within my community or deny it. I can embrace the views of others, moving together in a comfortable dance. I can, if I let go of self and let myself become one with others.
