The conversation was getting intense. With each cycle, I struggled to see that I had a choice in how to respond. I was defensive because of a heart felt belief that I had done no wrong! As I tried to see options, the recurring theme was an observation; “Hemmed in and with no way out, in God’s name I rubbed their faces in the dirt.” (Psalm 118.11) I knew this was an option but what did it mean in this time and place?
Trust me, I know how to rub faces in the dirt. I may not like to do it. I may not want to do it. But, if pushed, I know how to do it. The question I did not know is one that even as I think about it in hindsight, I struggle to put into words. Is there a way to do this in God’s name that is different my name?
I think there is. While I have not witnessed, or participated, in the perfect example, the recent experience suggests the following. My caveat is that words and actions will vary with the people involved and context. In my experience and use in the day to day, actions included the following.
Gentleness and respect. As simple as it sounds, maintaining a gentle and respectful spirit and one’s voice, body language, and use of words is not easy for me. Small things included taking a deep breath, pausing, and taking time to listen and reflect on what others are saying. Using words to clarify while trying to avoid going on the attack to their weaknesses. Not speculating on the answer or rationale, simply stay with the facts.
Maintain one’s focus on the goal. Every action ideally takes one closer or at least not father away. When the words and actions drift off, refocus and using point one, redirect.
Remain open to working with others who can be difficult to work with. I often find myself looking in a virtual mirror, knowing I can be difficult as well.
In this case, we won together.
