This week I was asked what holds my marriage together. The questions were asked in sincere wonder since it is not usually the norm to find two people still together after twenty-three years. I answered the questions by telling stories that I hoped conveyed the mysterious. I do not know if I answered their questions.
With reflection I find several possible and obvious answers. First, we intensely care about our two girls. Neither of us has ever been willing to walk away from the responsibility, though there are moments when we believe ourselves to be insane given that fact. Second, we have always found something on which we agree. It may be a stretch however when we get to the core priorities and values in life there is much we hold in common. Third, we are comfortable. Two plus decades brings familiarity and buckets of memories; neither are willing to toss those aside.
I do know that these answers form part of the puzzle however I do not think they are at the core. Something happened as we got to know each other. I have come to describe it simply as “I love her” yet in today’s language this seems incomplete. When we met I found that Cherry accepted me as I was. I felt that the acceptance was total and complete. I also discovered that Cherry was increasingly giving me her trust by letting me in on the inside of her life. I was having a difficult time understanding whom and what God is; Cherry changed that by modeling God’s approach to personal relationships.
I value Cherry’s gift beyond measure; she introduced me to God. Like all couples we struggle to keep that connection, yet I know her motives and so I trust. Each friendship is priceless. Often I find myself treating them casually. Look around and rediscover all that God has given you. It is the relationships closest to you that are the bond with life, recreation, and God.
“Do a favor and win a friend forever; nothing can untie that bond.” (Proverbs 18.20)
