One of the troubles I find in getting “older” is the frequency that my choices of yesterday appear fresh and energetic, ready to haunt and torture me. It is not that I lived an outrageous lifestyle when I was younger; I am quite confident that in comparison my life was rather mundane and boring. The challenge comes from my effort to free myself from the chains I thought bound me, and how the choices keep coming back to me.
I wanted to be completely self-dependent, just like my dad. We continue to discover just how dependent we are and continue to need to be on God. The struggle of living a life of faith and dependence is a sickness that has yet to find a cure.
I made choices in exploring the boundaries of relationships, blurring traditional fences easily, ignoring normal doors, and barging over and through any walls. Old habits continue to harm current relationships, including mine with God.
“You know well enough from your own experience that there are some acts of so-called freedom that destroy freedom.” (Romans 6.16) Your acts of freedom were and are different from mine, yet fundamentally the same. We take choices to free ourselves and end up focusing on our own abilities, our own desires, values, and priorities. We move towards a new beginning and find ourselves right where we started – self centered people looking to reinforce the center!
The good news is that God knows every move we have, are, and will make on this front. He knows, he hates the acts, and yet, he loves us unconditionally, just as we are. Some are tempted to call this love cheap. Some like to suggest that if this was true then God is actually encouraging or enabling us to continue along the old paths. Nothing could be farther from the truth!
God loves us because of one simple fact – He choose us as his friend and sent is Son to pay the price for every act of self focus we have, are, and will make.
God’s gift is freedom.
