The session was an intentional mix of reflection and lesson learning. While I was part of the group, I was not leading or facilitating. Additionally, I had not been part of the triggering event, so while the lessons and learning were useful, they were not directly personal. The one advantage of my participant only role was one of perspective. However, the unexpected lesson was a blunt one; did I embrace the lessons? Yes or no. No other answer options were available.
In the Founder Institute, all evaluations are on a 5-point scale with only four options. There is no middle choice, no 3. The decisions in this context are the same as the one I faced with the recent lessons. Yes or no, in or out?
It would be easy to suggest that I was and am all in. If only life were so simple. I know there is part of me that is adamant on the choice. At the same time, there is a quiet, almost hidden whisper which questions my sincerity and resolve. As I wrestle, the reminders which I find myself holding include the following.
No matter what we tell others and ourselves, our hearts know the truth. One can try to hide or ignore what one knows, however the truth will be revealed through one’s choices and in one’s actions.
Embracing difficult and challenging lessons takes help. I have never been successful by myself. At a minimum, I find myself repeating and holding onto a psalm prayer, “Don’t let me so much as dream of evil or thoughtlessly fall into bad company. And these people who only do wrong – don’t let them lure me with their sweet talk!” (Psalm 141.4) Usually, I need the helping hand of one of Divinity’s children to get me over the line.
Being “in” takes patience and resolve. For me, it has never happened in one step. I have and will fail, yet it is in learning, relearning, and continuing to learn that I realize Hope’s promise and contribute to making life better today.
