Insight

There is an insecure youngster in all of us; bright, bold, ready to make a move and a mark, yet in our hearts, unsure.  I’m not sure most of us, myself at least, are ready to admit this person exists.  I found myself under friendly scrutiny this past weekend, friends echoing back views of my personality.  I discovered myself desperately wanting to argue every negative!  Confidence isn’t something any of us have in excess.  Arrogance, perhaps an ego yes!  Somehow confidence cannot find its rightful place.
 
Each has a blind spot – a favorite friend, the dark side of our souls.  When we find ourselves there, looking out at the glaring lights, it’s easy to go into an offensive defensive attitude.  We need to defend ourselves!  If we don’t, who will?  Yet somehow in our reflection, angst, and insights we have missed something crucial, something our lives depend on for living.
 
Metaphorically the feedback goes like this.  “You found the weak places in the city walls that needed repair.  You secured the water supply at the Lower Pool.  You took an inventory of the houses in Jerusalem and tore down some to get bricks to fortify the city wall.  You built a large cistern to ensure plenty of water.  You looked and looked and looked, but you never looked to him who gave you this city, never once consulted the One who has long had plans for this city.”  (Isaiah 22.9, 10, 11) 
 
In this feedback there is no room for a 360 loop.  Our response is not needed.  We are merely be given the facts.  It is hard to admit how far off the mark our efforts can be, at least it is for me.  I want to be a strong tower.  I want to be there when needed, always smiling, confident, and steady.  I need to know I can stand for the values and priorities I hold close to my heart.  As hard as I work, learn, and strengthen my soul I forget to just be with God.  I forget the key that changes everything.