My mother passed on a few months back. There are times, especially when I am in India, that the memories are overwhelmingly fresh. I can feel and hear her presence and laugh. Even as I turn to talk to her, memories fades and I am left with the lingering evidence in a city that has moved on. While I miss her amazing ability to find the beauty and humor in life, often when it seemed to be absent and void, there is a recurring realization.
The oldest and final memory I have of her is her smile and laughter. My earliest memories are threads when I was three years old. We lived in a house that got very cold during the winter. I remember the frequent wake up cold in the middle of the night, crawling out of bed with my blanket and finding a spot on the floor near the heather in the hallway to sleep. Inevitably, with a bit of warmth and rest I would be hungry. One dark night fridge raid saw me try to snack on some ketchup only to realize I had just guzzled some Mexican hot sauce! My cries of anguish woke my mom who laughed as hard as she comfortingly embraced me. Decades later, she would retell the story with a twinkle in her eye and laugh in her voice.
She did have her moments of frustration and anger. I have come to appreciate that I cannot say about my mother what others say of the accused; “All we can remember is that frown on your face. Is that all we’re ever going to get?” (Psalm 90.9) With my memories of her, it is the smile that dominates.
Even as she struggled with advanced Alzheimer’s, she still laughed and smiled. While I did not always understand where she was in her mind, I look back and appreciate the gift of reaching for beauty, wonder, and adventure in every moment.
She left many great memories. To her and those that look for the best in life and others, thank you.
