My Day

There is something mysterious, wonderful, and therapeutic about the process of venting.  This is especially true when it has been a day full of life’s worst.  By the time the day begins to fade, one’s body, mind, and soul are completely exhausted.  Everything is gone, spent, kaput.  There may have been beauty.  I don’t remember.  Life is totally void of meaning and purpose.  It was.  The pressures, pain, and intensity blinds me to whatever else was or is going on.  I’m overwhelmed.  It’s simply too much.  If only I could find a way to skip this part of life.
 
Being honest, completely, fully, and transparently, is something most of us cannot and will not do.  Somehow it seems wrong to complain.  I know we whine and whinge.  I fully and sincerely acknowledge my inability to ignore or move through the pain.  I understand life is overwhelming, but somehow it is partially or completely my fault. 
 
If one has the courage to replay the words and sentiment above, distancing one’s self from the immediacy of the moment, certain observations become clear.
 
First, until one acknowledges the fullness of the problem, nothing can or will change.
 
Second, regardless of our role in something, in spite of our role, and even because of our role, the question is not of the moments passed, it is of the moment now and in the future.   Learn from the past.  Understand what worked and didn’t.  Let go and move on, free of whatever was.
 
Third, place your faith in the real and permanent.  Whatever your view of God is, you have to trust something.  Options include one’s own abilities, the strength of friends, and the power of the Unknown.  Rather in just choosing one, I choose all – just in reverse order.
 
My prayer captures the following; “I cry for help until morning.  Like a lion, God pummels and pounds me, relentlessly finishing me off.”  (Isaiah 38.13)  I acknowledge my failure.  I acknowledge my weakness.  I place myself, openly, transparent, in the Spirit’s arms.  Make my day.  God you are my Hope.