“A choice between A and B is not a choice, it is a dilemma. There are always at least three options in any decision.”
I had never considered this statement until I was confronted with the observation by a friend as I sought him out for his advice. If I had known this truth, many of the conflicts earlier in my life could have been avoided. The lessons which unfolded then as I applied this observation to life continue to resonate through today.
When I confuse a decision with resolving a dilemma, I move from a win-win scenario to a win-lose situation. It is bad enough when I am the only one impacted. When there is another, the choice is I win and you lose, or you win and I lose. One of us is going feel a wave of negative emotions which come with loss and rejection. The indicating reminder is confusion happens. When it does, sidestep the conflict and share an invitation to go on a quest for the third and fourth options.
Life keeps reminding me that searching for a third and fourth option requires a shared starting point. There are two lessons within this reminder which keep resonating as I am slow to learn. First, it is easy to assume we are on the same question because we know and like each other. Within reaffirming our center starting point, one can never be sure if the differences which follow are due to new discoveries or different measures of success. Second, when differences occur, and this happens frequently, knowing the center is the same opens a door to asking how the alternative fits. There is a story waiting to be told which brings us together.
In the quest for more options, knowing we are starting at the center creates an opportunity to ask others for help. An invitation is a form of this. Being blunt and direct also works; “God, get me out of here, away from this evil; protect me from these vicious people.” (Psalm 140.01)
In this moment, we have options.
