It has been a long time away from home. As much as I appreciate the company of colleagues, I miss family. Even as I write the words, images, sounds, and emotions replay in my mind. While my mind reminds me that I will be welcomed back, it is hard to overcome or ignore the emotions of the here and now.
There are lessons which return even as a mist of darkness creeps in around the edges of the new day.
Embrace the realities of the moment at hand. It is. I find it helpful to express what is within, if only to myself. If in doubt, I repeat the psalmist lament, “Look right, look left – there’s not a soul who cares what happens! I’m up against it, with no exit – bereft, left alone.” (Psalm 142.4) There is little point in pushing it away or denying it exists. Let it and the ways one’s mind responds touch the heart. As I let it do this, I feel an assurance of love from the one waiting for me at home as well as the love experienced across time. In the human realities of being alone, longing for others, I am confident because of the relationships in my life.
If possible, put yourself in a place filled with kids, families, and home. I am lucky to be able to walk and hang with Max today…a young child who has not begun to speak but effectively communicates with his eyes and fingers. The hesitation when we first met gave way to bright eyes which twinkled and penetrated my heart. He reminds you of the hope which is all around us, in our pain and struggles, in our uncertainties and doubts.
Enjoy the beauty and wonder of what is now, even as you long for the presence of others. Each is closer than you realize. I watch shadows dance as the sun playes with the birch leaves and a cooling breeze. I see those I love, dancing with me and I smile. Even in the shadows, I cannot dance.
