17 January 2017
Paths
For much of my career I wanted, needed to be in charge. My intent, as I recall was honorable in a “confident, willing to learn but I am going to climb this mountain and everyone is coming with me and going to make it!” kind of way. For a time, I was driven to lead or support the leader as her/his second.
Somewhere along the line I discovered that the importance I had always associated with my role was missing or less so. I found myself questioning the price paid along the way, determined that I should use the lessons to find a more balanced path.
It is interesting to watch others that are walking the path I find so familiar. The world needs strong leaders, so I do not question their sense of purpose or calling. Having said that, for now, the path is not one I am called to walk. My calling is one of hope, creativity, perseverance, and bringing people together. For me, the contrast between the path then and now is starkly different.
In the beginning, results were all important. Dirven by on time, on budget, and exceeding expectations, the standards I set for others was high. What I expected from myself was even higher. While results and destinations matter, process and relationships dominate my thinking. There is a balance that always seems to travel with sustainability.
Conviction of purpose and mention often left at least one or two behind, sometimes more. It was as my role was called to follow the psalm, “bringing judgment on the nations, handing out convictions wholesale, crushing opposition across the wide earth.” (Psalm 110.06) Life has become far more gray and colorful. I long for listening, inclusiveness, and collective wisdom. Even when I find it missing while needing to press on, I find myself seeking to connect with everyone who shares the dream.
The rush of yesterday continues to give way to the patience and pause. The urgency remains but it feels more holistic.
It is a new world; a good time to reconnect and rediscover.
