I find politeness hard to take at times. As difficult and brutal as candor can be, at least one has a clear opportunity to understanding, learning, and action. When politeness adds a haze of ambiguous words and meanings, no matter how well intended, one potentially risks the opportunity that understanding brings. As I wrestle with the challenges of being candid, respectful, and avoiding unnecessary pain, I realize that one’s perception of of what might occur often trumps all other considerations. Even if it is a simple request, I often catch myself presuming how the others will respond even if I have no basis for my conclusion.
Perhaps there is a different approach to politeness and the avoidance of anticipated pain or difficulty.
Start with respect instead of politeness. Acknowledging another as an equal and being candid about the difficulty one has with the words that follow can be an effective alternative alternative to politeness that hides the truth within.
Use simple and direct words to communicate one’s message. When one replays polite conversations, it often seems as if probability of politeness increases with the average number of syllables per words one uses. Life reminds me that great messages are often simple, direct, and often minimalist in their structure and number.
Be patient. Let the words find their home before pressing on. Rushing ahead does not serve anyone.
Never hesitate to demand if something vital is at risk. Lives matter. When one’s life is at stake, standing tall is far more appropriate than simply being polite. The Psalmist laid out a model for you and me when it came to God; “I’m standing my ground, God, shouting for help, at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak.” (Psalm 88.13)
Do not expect smooth sailing and easy results. Life is often difficult. Not ever individual you meet has honorable intentions. Perseverance, tenacity, and the willingness to endure are far more important than being polite.
We will have opportunities today where we can make a difference. Seize the day! Do something with the moments one is given.
