If there is a single question that started when you and I were 2 years old and continues through the present, it is “why”. A constant refrain I hear to each idea, proposal, and presentation to what comes next is “why”. In the context of all the questions we hear and answer everyday, it is amazing how often I catch myself avoiding, ignoring, or sidestepping the “why” question. It is as if I think everyone should know or intuitively understand. Yet, individuals, including myself, often struggle with why.
Life reminds me that answering the why question in all situations is probably the most important think that I can do. It goes to motive, intent, and aspiration. It reflects the underlying values and priorities. It opens a unique window into something we can share even as we across our differences. My self-reminders include the following.
Start everything by knowing why. Reflections can be fun journeys along why paths. Proposals can introduce the why, taking the bold step of exposing your rationale to others before you know where they are coming from. Figures across history have set this model, often reflecting a courage rarely seen in the world we live in today.
Treat every why question with respect. Regardless of age, even at two, when someone asks why, I hope I can respond in the way I would like to be responded to. With respect, dignity, and an honest answer. Even if it is a “I do not know” response, honesty goes a long way to building a dialogue based on trust.
Remember, there is never a dumb why question. Frequently, why questions are the leading edge of doubt or uncertainty. When the question is honored and answered, the listener openness often grows. The opposite can be expected. When a why question is ignored or pushed aside, conversations close, many stopping suddenly and with no chance of a restart.
Answering why opens doors. I hear an invitation to more in the psalmist’s response; “And why? Because God is the best, High King over all the gods.” (Psalm 95.3)
