The conundrum was not new. I have been wrestling with the options for some time. I have reflected, sat in silence, and considered. I also sought the advice and observations of others. While everything helped, I still struggled to get comfortable with a view. The decision and choice is not critical in the sense that my life dramatically pivots in the near future based on this question. It is important to me, but is not relevant to most. As my consideration continued, the opportunity to reach out to another was more intuitive and planned.
As I walked through the background with a trusted brother, my considerations to date, and my natural preferences, he had a single question. Why do you want this?
I paused. I wanted my words to be as complete and whole as I could make them.
“Ok. Let me reach out and see how we can take it forward. Leave it with me.”
No hesitation. No leaving the conundrum with me. Clear, decisive, and engaged. A tangible model reflecting the psalmist’s words; “The minute I said, ‘I’m slipping, I’m falling,’ your love, God, took hold and held me fast.” (Psalm 94.18)
The sense of peace and assurance has left me with an awareness of a sequence I would do well to follow.
Being open with myself about my discomfort is helpful. The greater my self awareness of my discomfort is, the greater the opportunity is for me to open myself up to wise and trusted confidents. It is as if I am opening myself up to a greater story with more options.
If a conundrum is not resolving itself, keep looking for options and wisdom. The reality that I did not find a quick answer does not need to be a dark cloud. It is an opportunity to open myself up to more conversations and reflection. In this case, the process cleared my vision and allowed me to see more than I ever imagined possible.
Let others be themselves. If it is advice, listen. If it a willingness to get involved, be thankful.
