The sinus block was taking its toll. I knew there were limited options on how I could respond. The Advil tablets were for my mental state; experience reminded me that they would not relieve anything. The solution was lots of water, nasal rinses, and rest, hopefully all in quantity. For now it hurt to walk, move, and even think. The overwhelming pain dominated everything! In the struggle to maintain, I found myself focused on my commitment to host and cook dinner.
If there were workable options to postpone, I probably would have grabbed one of them. I knew it was far too late. Given the season, commitments, and lack of late options, there was no time to move the timing. In addition, I had reserved and purchased a special ingredient for the dinner. My investment went beyond money, but I did not want to waste the money either! So far, everything was on schedule, well almost everything except my sinusitis.
Even now as I look back, I can feel how slowly things unfolded during the day. Each action needed to be deliberate; otherwise I could not be sure I would be able to finish it. I needed to be economical, any wasted step amplified the throbbing pain I was struggling against. With each tick on my list my doubts about being able to finish grew.
The Spirit of Christmas seemed to be walking with me. At different times during the day I found myself taking with my confidant while trying to place my pain in the past. My recurring observation to her echoed an old writer; “If I’d have given in and talked like this [my feelings], I would have betrayed your dear children.” (Psalm 73.15) We would lose the spirit of the season.
At some point I could feel the Spirit of Christmas taking over. The throbbing pain subsided with a compassionate touch. The music of Christmas played on in my heart, mind, and apartment. In my doubts and fears, Christmas lived on. The dinner that followed was filled with Peace and Hope. Merry Christmas.
