“He is a good guy.”
“She is amazing.”
“He’s a good mate.”
I hear these words and react before thinking. Am I supposed to put my judgment on hold? Do I ignore my common sense? Should I forget about my instincts?
As passionately as I feel about the words in a negative way, I recently found myself silently looking in the mirror. The echo of my voice was still bouncing on the walls of my mind. I had used one of the phrases to introduce a friend’s name to another.
“He is really a good guy.”
It was a reference point. I hoped that it could be trusted to open doors. I wanted to make sure he had a good reception. In my mind, I knew what I was trying to say. I could testify to my experiences. His word was based on truth. His actions were trustworthy. He delivered on his commitments. He was knowledgeable and collegial. In short, he was a good individual. Others would do well if they would take the time to accept him into their circle.
As I looked in the mirror, my mind played back scenes where I had heard the phrase being used. As I looked at the ways things played out later, there was a consistency that I had not seen. When someone said s/he was good, the actions that followed reminded me that the two individuals shared priorities, values, and style. They were linked. It was not a statement of absolute. It was a statement by one heart that it had recognized another.
As I looked at my response across the scenes, I found myself wishing I were open to more possibilities. A writer left me with a blunt reminder; “no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.” (1 Corinthians 13.4) The good news is that I am not locked in by yesterday’s model. Freedom gives us a chance to take new directions. Reference points are not the whole story, however they are a helpful place to start.
