Reminders

My worst decisions often occur when I am tired, especially when it is a deep physical and mental tiredness.  It is as if sleep invites logic, knowledge, and values to skip out when I have pushed her to the side.  My intensity can drag the physical me through tiredness and exhaustion, even as I feel the heart and mind slipping into a state of foolishness.  I know the reminders: “Over-work makes for restless sleep. Over-talk shows you up as a fool.” (Ecclesiastes 5.3) I have extensive experiential evidence to support my awareness and knowledge.  Yet, I continue to stumble, tripped up by the effort to do more than I am called to do.
 
Knowing is never enough.  Everyone, myself included, knows more than s/he realises.  Life gifts us with experience, illustrations, and lessons.  My heart and mind take this all in, storing it within me for when it is needed.  In the busyness and chaos of life, I catch myself pushing hard to keep going.  I do not need a specific goal.  I do not need to be motivated.  The natural competitiveness within me drives me on.  I know what will happen.  It is easy to anticipate.  I understand the path and where the next milestone will be.  Knowing does not change anything.  I press on until I hit the wall, finding myself with the reminders and bruises that I face, given the outcomes of how I have used my freedom.
 
In being taught to be cautious, I open myself up to discovering Divinity’s reminders in each moment.  They are here, often in ways I never imagined.  As the gold stallion spoke to me, I knew I needed to slow down, focus, and move to a space of quietness.  The calling was from my heart to my soul, quiet and yet relentlessly insistent.  In responding, I was reminded of my deepest values, people and relationships that define my life, and my calling.  The reminders pushed me into a place of care and recovery, starting within so it can move without.  
 
Restoration is the foundation for care.