I looked up at a sign on an upper middle-class street in Beirut. The neon sign for a 24-hour, 7-days-a-week, diner looked like it was in an old movie set. In any era, this was wrong. I was taking a picture of a sign I never thought I would see, anywhere. I never found the diner. I looked, below, before, after, and up into the building without success. My mobile map-apps do not register the diner. The signage reflects a different reality.
The myth that every individual feels good about their image is just that, a myth. In whatever place the dark night of one’s soul happens, be it the mirror, the scale, when we close our eyes, or compare ourselves to someone or something else, I, along with many others, wrestle with doubt and uncertainty. I always thought I would be taller, especially as I seem to shrink with age. I would love to be 8-10 kilos lighter. While I have accepted the grey hairs, I admit I carry a longing for the old colour and more fullness. As much as I like myself, my image falls short.
Imagine fears, uncertainties, and doubts go away when one feels love, acceptance, and belonging. I know I am not denying that these feelings may still be the back of my mind. What I am certain of is the amount of time I worry about this, not one minute or even second. When I find myself confident and believing I am a loved and embraced child of Divinity, I finally understand Paul’s old observation. “Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.” (Romans 8.6)
Confidence and freedom personal foundations for bold action. When my actions fail my dreams, I know I am not taking care of my heart and soul. As I spend time appreciating beauty, being restored by natural awe, contemplating unconditionally forgiven and accepted, I find myself out in the open. I am free. Confidence and Courage are beside me.
