The morning shadow consistently calls for my attention and I step outside and head for the office. The way light plays on the tall structure makes it distinctively eery. As I find myself pausing and remembering, I can hear life using the shadow to emphasise the reminders for me to carry with me in the day ahead.
The past comes with me, even as I try to silence it. As I consider the building and what may have been happening as the sun set just over three years ago, I imagine quietness and joy being replaced by shock and pain. Who and what I am today is shaped by my experiences. Each moment informed my views, often in ways I do not understand. In looking openly and transparently in the mirror to see what is, I open a doorway to growth and learning. I can create opportunities for a better today.
The past can inform and teach me long after the memories have begun to fade. The shock of yesterday is not as severe as it was then. Even recent reminders of death’s cruel sting have eased with the passing of time. While the emotions will never leave, I find myself seeing and understanding them through eyes of compassion and a heart of commitment. I can use the good and what is less than good, as building blocks of understanding and insight to inform myself with the choices in the moment at hand.
Seeing yesterday’s destruction, in the buildings outside as well as the scars within, leads me to be unsure of who I am and if I can choose anything better. Paul’s observations remain relevant; “I can anticipate the response that is coming: ‘I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?’ Yes. I’m full of myself – after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison.” (Romans 7.14) Trusting Divinity’s description that I am a beloved child of the Divine is an invitation and call to move beyond to the scars to healing within and without.
