For most of the year, I am not a dessert person. With me, it is not a matter of will. It is an outcome of watching my father enjoy salads and his favourite dish as an alternative to something sweet. In my case, at least for this meal, I was all in. With as much as I found myself sampling, there was even more that I left untouched.
I knew I would pay a price for my choices. I understood that this was not “good” for me. In the decision process, short-term enjoyment versus long-term consequences was, at least for a moment, a mini battle in my mind. The picture shows that I went for the immediate and ignored the consequences.
My senses enjoyed the fantastic flavours, textures, and tastes. With each bite, I heard life’s quiet questions about other choices. I knew that the sugar indulgence would be a small detour. With my other decision points, I could see links between my choice and what followed, both immediate and inevitable.
Community versus me, who wins? I would like to say that the community I am a part of always wins. After a few setbacks, the desire to win often dominates the willingness to take one for the team. It is easy to lose faith in the larger story. The need for reward, moving ahead, and winning dominates the satisfaction of playing a small part in a greater narrative. When I am happy and satisfied, the choice is easier than the reality of dealing with the bruises from the battle.
Decisions that last are made when I reach for something. Avoiding the downside does not fill my heart with anything. Even “If the penalty for breaking the law of Moses is physical death” (Hebrews 10.28), the question I am asking myself is, what am I living for? In the following silence, I feel the joy of living compassion, shared kindness, and realised care. Experiencing the love of a child and the embrace of one’s lover reminds me it was always about us, not I.
